


drowning

by awesomefatkitty



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Heartbreak, M/M, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Second Person, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomefatkitty/pseuds/awesomefatkitty
Summary: I’ve been drowning since I walked through the doors. They’re speaking from underwater and they’re muffled and all I can make out is you.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	drowning

Every time I walk into this building, I feel like I’m drowning.

There’s a conference room on the thirty-seventh floor where we meet with the mediator and our lawyers and we fight over what goes to whom. This is our third and final meeting before it goes before a judge and I’m just _so damn tired._

I sit facing the window. My lawyer is vicious, cunning. And yours is bold and unafraid. It’s fitting, really. The first meeting we were quiet to start. They had to call security by the end. And at the last meeting, you refused to budge on anything. So did I, so I can’t really begrudge you that. Security was ready though. My lawyer’s been preparing me for court ever since.

But I saw you when we left. They made us leave at different entrances, but I was rounding the corner to get to the apparition point and there you were. With him. You stood with your hands in your coat pocket and he stood close, gazing up at you, with his hands in your pockets too. You looked so happy. I hadn’t seen a smile that soft, an expression that fond in years.

I wanted to be angry. I really did. But what right did I have when I was the one who left? And before my anger could bubble over and explode, it froze with the rest of me. I remembered how tired I was. Of all of it. I just…deflated.

You threw your head back and laughed at something he said. You looked as light as you did when we first ran into each other in that cafe five years ago. And my heart shattered all over again.

We were different people when we re-met that second time around. No more childish games, no more petty grudges. The war changed us, irreparably, and I think I was better for it. You said I was better for it. I’m not sure I was ever convinced you accepted all of me, though. I held onto that, wore that weight until I grew bitter. That was my own fault, though.

So I sit facing the window and this time I’m quiet. I’m just looking out at the grey sky and wondering if the windows open. You’re arguing alongside your lawyer, but I can feel you sneaking furtive glances in my direction. I can hear you growing quieter with each passing moment. It takes the mediator clearing his throat loudly for me to realize _everyone_ is quiet now, that they’re all looking at me. I finally look at you.

“You can have all of it,” I say and your eyes widen. Your gorgeous, glowing, green eyes. The eyes I swore could always see right through me.

“What?” It comes out as a whisper, a breathy thing like someone suddenly has you round the throat. Maybe I do.

“I don’t want any of it.” I shrug. Your face falls.

“Mr. Malfoy–”

“You can’t be serious!”

“Writing. Put it in writing.”

The lawyers and the mediator are all speaking at once. But I’ve been drowning since I walked through the doors. They’re speaking from underwater and they’re muffled and all I can make out is you.

I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, will never love anyone the way that I love you again. I knew that even when I sat you down and said I had to go. You cried and you screamed and you threw things. Your magic sparked around us, a living angry thing that threatened to consume me. I was ready to let it.

Five years together and no matter how much we had changed, no matter how much we had grown, we were still so unhappy together. Our love was a desperate affair. I think we held on so long because we were both afraid to let go, both afraid to admit that love just wasn’t enough.

God, how I loved you. How I love you still. I will feel you in every last bit of me until my dying breath. But I had to be strong for both of us. You deserve better than this. So do I.

“Draco,” you break through the arguments, through the water, and your voice is soft. Your smile is so sad. I wonder if you can see the heartbreak on my face or if I’ve managed to keep my expression as cool as I used to.

And don’t get me wrong, I am heartbroken. I’m fucking devastated. I’m losing all the best parts of me. I’m losing the love of my life. I’m losing everything that’s right with the world. I’m losing you.

I tear my gaze away and address your lawyer instead. If I keep looking at you, I’ll back down. I’ll drag this out and neither of us want that. You should be getting on with your life, should be getting on with him. I won’t be the one to hold you back anymore. I can’t be.

“Draw up the paperwork,” I say. And I stand, ignoring the sputtering of my lawyer, and I leave.

You meet me at the lifts. I would have taken the stairs to avoid this, but my legs are too weak. Everything hurts. I’m grieving. I’m fucking grieving for you when you’re right fucking next to me. I wonder if you’re grieving for me too.

You don’t speak. You don’t look at me. You step onto the lift beside me and we ride together like total strangers. When we pass the twenty-second floor you reach out and take my hand.

I can’t stop the tears from coming then, but I can’t look at you either. And when we pass the eighteenth floor, you tug on my arm and pull me into yours and I bury my face into your neck and I sob. I can feel you shake against me, feel you tighten your fists into my shirt. Once, I might have been angry that you’re ruining my Oxford, but now I’m too tired to be angry anymore.

I want to tell you that I love you. I want to take it all back. I want to beg you to come home with me, to stay, to pretend like this never happened. But I remember how you looked last week, standing with him, and I don’t say any of those things. Because you stopped looking at me that way before we even got married, to be perfectly honest. And I can’t go back to the anger and the resentment and pretending like it’s all ok, like this is all love really is.

So when the lift reaches the bottom and the doors open, we pull away and right ourselves. I spell the tears from our faces and you smile at me. It’s still so sad, but I think my smile is just as sad too.

We exit the building together. Still not a word between us. I can see him waiting across the street, waving at you with a coffee in either hand and the biggest smile on his face. I look at you again and you’re already looking back at me. Maybe you never stopped.

“Goodbye, Harry,” I whisper to you.

“Goodbye, Draco,” you whisper back.

Every time I walk away from this building, I still feel like I’m drowning. But maybe I can learn how to swim. I hope that you already are.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m chock full of angst, so I hope your hearts are as broken as mine. Please comment and leave me some love. ❤️


End file.
